to regret, or not to regret?

don't you ever wish you can go back in time, knowing what you know now, and change some of the things you did? it's easy for me to say yes, because there's many aspects of my life i wish i could change or make it better, but being stuck in it, i just sit there hopelessly, helplessly. i question, how did i even get here when this was never something i wanted?

yes. life goes on. it doesn't stop for anyone. life is most fair to all of us in that regard. you make a decision, time goes on relentlessly. wait, you didn't know what you were getting yourself into? well, too bad.

the thing is... i made all those decisions... thinking they were right at the time. i told myself this is what i wanted. funny cause sometimes when you get there you're like "?!" yea...

so what now? conclusion (1) i would not have come to this point in my life if i didn't make the decisions i have thus far. i would be a different person. so even if i made those other decisions, it could not have turned out the way i think it would be now, and i could have regretted not doing what i do now. conclusion (2) we measure life often times with what we don't have, or the "grass is greener on the other side." but how about measuring life with what we can't live without? i could live without many things, but there are many things now, whether it be people, tangible things, or traits about myself that i can't live without. those decisions i think i may have regretted led me to them.

i made those decisions because i know what i can't live without. i couldn't go to haverford because i couldn't live without knowing what it would have been like being at rutgers. of course we can live with anything, life does just go on. but imagine if i didn't make those decisions. the ones i couldn't live without.

maybe it's all wrong and backwards now. but it was right then. i couldn't live without it. i follow my heart because i don't know. i feel and go blindly, hoping always for the best. i can always end up being wrong, and for some things, it really feels that way. i don't ever mean to hurt or to offend. i only mean love.

if time has passed and you regret something now, just realize that there's still time to make it better. we're not supposed to live life knowing what will end up being the best for ourselves. we can only be ourselves and use our wisdom and hearts ...and hope for the best.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."